Broken Dreams Barbie

My sister-in-law just unearthed some of her old toys that have been in hiding for 20-some years. A couple nights ago, she was showing us these toys in a trip down memory lane. One of them is a little ballerina doll that spins around when you push down a plunger that comes out of her head (yes, a little odd, but it's a toy). Unfortunately, one of her legs (the one on which she's supposed to twirl) hyperextends at the knee. This is hilarious to me. I imagine the doll having little phrases, such as "Oh, my leg! I'll never dance again!" "The pain is unbearable!" and "I don't have health insurance!"

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE REST OF THIS POST IS PRETTY SICK HUMOR AND MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR MORE SENSITIVE READERS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Heidi and I have expanded this admittedly morbid joke to a line of dolls (Barbie is a good placeholder, but it could be a different line of toys) called the Broken Dreams Barbie line. Each would have its own playset, which would hook into the Boulevard of Broken Dreams playset (which comes with a "Street Corner"). Some of the dolls are a little too sick/mean/dirty for me to post here, but I'll give you a few ideas:

-"Ex-Child Actor Barbie" with McDonald's playset
-"Philosophy Major Barbie" with Telemarketing Call Center playset
-"Homeless Barbie" complete with 3-wheeled shopping cart (naturally, she wouldn't have a playset)
-"Pimp Ken" (who has the obvious counterpart that we're not going to discuss here)

There are numerous others that we're thinking of, but since many people who read this don't get my sense of humor sometimes, it's better to let this stand as is. Although this has become a common topic of conversation over the dinner table at Chez Fisher. Maybe we'll actually get these into production in time to traumatize Nola!

Wikipedia Challenge

Here’s a challenge that I think is fun for no reason other than I think it is. Start at the Wikipedia homepage. Hit Random Article, and whatever comes up, try to drill down to a page for the following:
One real person (alive or dead)
One organization
One fictional person
One location
One thing related to a hobby of yours

I’ve found that in order to be fun, you need to be very specific. Instead of Computer, choose RAM or Red Hat. Instead of Beer, choose Ethanol Fermentation or Dogfish Head. Instead of Italy, choose the Piazza della Repubblica or Bolognese sauce. Being obscure can be fun, too, but it could take a while. Here’s what I chose:

Peter Gabriel
Monty Python
Skeletor
Rogers Park
Liberty City (the city in which GTA IV is set)

And so goes the search:

1. Brodow->Germany->European Union->United Kingdom->British Music->Genesis->Peter Gabriel

2. Cuisine of Cameroon->European Cuisine->English Cuisine->Cheese->List of Cheeses->Cheese Shop Sketch->Monty Python’s Flying Circus->Monty Python

3. Sanoodi->Wales->BBC Wales->Television->South Park->Animation->Filmation->He-Man and the Masters of the Universe->Skeletor

4. Constant Velocity Joint->1927->Repeal of Prohibition->Prohibition in the united States->Al Capone->Chicago->Neighborhoods of Chicago->Rogers Park

5. Leo Burnett Building->Chicago->List of People from Chicago->Robin Williams->Video Game->Video Game Controversy->Grand Theft Auto Series->Liberty City

Don’t bother with the searches that don’t bear fruit (these last two were really difficult, with me abandoning nearly a dozen searches total), just the ones that lead to your goal. And if you don’t do all five, no worries, just do what works for you (although I did have a lot of fun with this).

And y’know what? I’m going to tag a few people, because I want to see their searches: Mattox, Zach, and Hunahpu. Go forth, discover, proclaim!

The Closing of the Year

Wow, what a year 2007 has been. This year started out full of hope and promise, and then turned into reality. It didn't turn into a bad year, just didn't live up to the potential I had hoped. I would be remiss if I didn't even mention the lofty goals I had intended to be for this year, but I stopped tracking them around June-ish. Part of that was developing a new goal process, and part of that was knowing they were too lofty to be worthwhile. In any case, I didn't finish them for many reasons.

My job for the vast majority of the year was a good job for my skillset, and developed me in a good path for my career, but it was also insanely busy with constant multitasking, and I think it trained me to be mildly ADD. It also wore me out mentally, and made it very difficult to work on anything after work or on weekends. Now that job has ended (ah, the joy of being a contractor), and I'm looking for more.

We moved into the city in August, and also got rid of a car around that time. The move was huge, and it took months to clean the place up for Thanksgiving and our subsequent Christmas party. But now we live in a home, and a lovely home it is. Our office (third bedroom) is full of boxes that we need to take care of, but we have some time to do so; we can take care of one a weekend for the next several months, while still enjoying the home that we have.

Being a one-car family has its challenges, but it's a good transition for being in the city. Both of our jobs were close to public transportation, so Heidi could take the car or take the bus/train, depending on her mood that morning. I really couldn't take the car, as there's no way to cheaply park downtown. Parking in this neighborhood can be a challenge sometimes, but it's better than other places I've lived, and it's a lot better than trying to find space for two cars.

Our marriage hit a pretty rough spot this year, and I didn't write about that (not publicly, anyway), but we came through it and we're much stronger than we were before. I've had one friend say, "Marriage is the most difficult thing but the best thing that you can have." Although I think I would phrase it differently, I agree with it conceptually. In any case, that's a good thing. I've written about how we have grown stronger, and we keep going in that direction (admittedly, we're still kind of newlyweds). That fills me with hope for the future.

I didn't get much of a chance to see movies in the theatre this year, having had a gap between Stardust and National Treasure 2 (yes, I know... my brother wanted to see it). This has led me to be more of a gamer, and I've had a lot of that to keep me occupied. I've written about The Orange Box, which took up a large portion of my time, and I have yet to write about Mass Effect, which took up just as much time.

I got two voiceover gigs this year: one non-union and one union. I can see that being an actor is going to take a lot more work, and I've been doing a lot of work already. Sometimes, it's difficult to not get frustrated, but then I kind of put things in perspective: I'm making an adequate wage (at least I was), I have a good marriage, I have a lovely home, and I get to do what I love on the side (gaming, acting, whatever). Although I'd like to do what I love for a living, I'm pretty cool doing what works for right now.

I only brewed once this year. I'm disappointed with myself for that, but the beer turned out pretty well, and I've had a busy schedule, so I'm not going to kick myself too hard. For my birthday, Heidi got me two, count 'em, two kits. So that will change for next year.

So that be me. That be 2007. Bring on the new year!

Sharing Experiences from the Chicago Monsoon

Everybody will have their own stories about the storm we've been having. It's arguably the biggest rainstorm I've ever experienced, and it's really fun. Admittedly, I'm sure it would be less fun if I or someone I loved was involved in some property damage as a result of this, but right now, I'll accept that it's fun.

Some observations/experiences:

-The bus from the train station was leaking, as if it was a poorly constructed submarine. I kept feeling like I'd hear metal groaning under the weight of the depths.

-I've never been so happy to have Timberland work shoes. They're pretty much all waterproof, which makes for very pleasant walking experiences when walking through a park under an umbrella when the ground is flooded and thousands of gallons of water are coming down and there's lightning all around.

-Because of said lightning and walking though the park (from the bus stop to home) under an umbrella, I've never before thought I'd get hit by lightning. It was kinda scary, but I can't say that it wouldn't be interesting to experience.

-It's so freakin' cool to be standing at a bus depot and almost seeing where lightning struck (it was a few blocks away) when it struck. I felt the blast from the thunder.

-All we're hearing is sirens. They're not so common now, and the rain is dying down, but for a while there, if we heard a vehicle, it was an emergency vehicle.

-I'm happy that we had planned to be home anyway, and that we have leftovers in the fridge.

Did you see me waving?

Hey, you know that Metra train that derailed? I was on that.

It was just the back two cars. Nobody was hurt, just a few people were annoyed, and we all got to work an hour later than anticipated. Here's what I know happened: we stopped, we started again, and we stopped again. The conductor got on the PA and told us we'd derailed the back two cars. Here's what I think happened. We stopped with the front five cars on one end of a switch, and the back two on another end. Somebody turned the switch, and we started moving, pulling the two back cars off.

Yay for an adventure on a Monday morning commute!

Oh come on, you knew it was coming!

Every year there's a big warmup, and we think spring is here. Every year there is the subsequent blizzard that makes people complain about it being winter again. Yes, it's later than usual, and it's kind of funny in light of the Easter post that I recently wrote, but really, is this blizzard a surprise to anyone who's lived in Chicagoland for any significant amount of time?

Alka Seltzer & Lemonade

Yeah, so I'm still in blogger's malaise. Not much to say, no time to say it. But, so's people don't feel like they're being gypped by coming here regularly or subscribing to any feed they so desire, I'll give you this:

If you have a bit of a sour stomach, Alka Seltzer and Lemonade are REALLY good together.

For that matter, Bacon & Pineapple make for a really good pizza. Just FYI.

A [Lighter/Stolen] Post

So I need to lighten up what has been something of a pissy blog for a month or so. So I'll steal a post from Libby, which I think was a stolen post to begin with. Go to wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births and one death, including the year.

December 6th

963 -- Leo VIII is elected Pope
1865 -- The 13th Amendment to the Constitution is ratified, banning slavery
1978 -- Spain approves its latest constitution in a referendum (hence my birthday is now Spanish constitution day)

Births (meh, I'm doing three, because they're neat)
1955 -- Steven Wright (Comedian)
1958 -- Nick Park (Animator, creator of Wallace & Gromit)
1962 -- Janine Turner (Actress)

Deaths (meh, I'm doing two, because they're neat)
1988 -- Roy Orbison (Musician)
1993 -- Don Ameche (Actor)

Briefly Uplifting

Matt recently sent me a brief encouragement, and since my blog has been a bit of a downer this week, I thought I'd share his concise summary of the whole of Christianity:

"We're all bastards, but God loves us anyway."

That gave me a smile.

I now have shelves full of VHS tapes

OK, so it's not quite that bad. The whole HD DVD vs. Blu Ray debate hasn't ever really started yet, and both will still be able to play standard definition DVD's, so I'm not dead in the water. I'd like to someday get a Hi Definition DVD player of some kind, but I think I'm going to wait for them to duke it out. I'd like to work through my DVD collection and replace them with higher definition versons, but I'm going to wait until I figure out which is going to establish market dominance. I was in high school when we got a Beta VCR, and that was a bit of a mistake (although the picture was lovely on Beta, and that's why it remained the professional standard for years afterwards). Here's the deal, in a nutshell: Blu-Ray holds more data, but it's more expensive and it's thinner (therefore might break easier). More companies are on board with Blu Ray, but as any good capitalist knows, it's the consumers who decide. HD DVD's are just coming out now; I haven't heard of a Blu Ray release yet. The two formats are not compatible. Certain filmmakers will likely release their classic films on the least desirable format and attempt to use their industry muscle to keep that format alive for as long as possible. So, let's sit back and watch the fireworks.

The blog tag post

So Jane "blog-tagged" me. Evidently the process of a blog tag is to put down 5 random facts about you that nobody knows. Well, I'm pretty open, so there's not really anything that nobody knows about me, so I'll give you stuff that I just don't mention to a lot of people.

1. I'm epileptic. I've only had a few seizures in my life, so it's not enough to be a major inconvenience, but it has kept me out of the armed forces, and I can't get a pilot's license (at least not in the United States). The biggest effect it has on me is really expensive seizure medication that I should take daily, and a few impressive-looking scars.

2. In college, I was in a play in which I had to grow my hair and beard out much longer than I'm comfortable with. After the play was over, I wanted to shave my head completely bald, but a friend of mine talked me out of it, because "she had to be seen with me" (which was weird, because we never hung out in the two months it would have taken to grow back to normal).

3. I'm a bit of a cheese snob. I have paid $18 for a 1/2 pound of cheese before. It really wasn't worth it, but I have to fight to remember that lesson when I'm in a store that has fancy cheeses.

4. I secretly harbor a regret that I didn't major in Astronomy in college. I've always felt that that would have been an interesting life, studying the stars professionally, going to Hawaii or Colorado to look into the biggest telescopes on the planet. Admittedly, if I had gone into Astronomy, I'd probably harbor a regret that I didn't major in acting and film.

5. I'm unusually flatulent.

There ya have it. John in a bloody great nutshell.

Gaming and marriage

Heidi has already expressed that she's fully in support of my (excessive?) gaming habits, and has demostrated that, while we were being lazy a couple days ago, and she let me play World of Warcraft for an hour (when I should have been learning lines for a skit...owell). However, this video makes me wonder if we'll be having conversations like this in a couple years.

It's Winter

I just came home from my dentist. Look at what time this post is. I left my dentist at 4:15. Now, my dentist is in Lake Zurich, which is pretty damn far away normally. I would normally have been driving during rush hour. But normally there isn't three inches of snow on the roads. This surreally beautiful image is of the alley behind my apartment with ankle-deep snow. We've had a few reminders of winter already: single-digit temperatures, a couple snowstorms, but this one is the first of the season that may isolate the city for a day. Fortunately, I work from home, so my "commute" (from my bedroom to my living room) won't be hindered. But winter has arrived.

Brush with Pseudo-Celebrity?

So I'm not sure about this, because the guy had a moustache (and it was darn effective for blocking his identity if it was him) and why the hell would he be having dinner in Skokie? But anyway, I think Heidi & I were having dinner one table away from Ted Raimi. He's SO not an A list actor, so Heidi, who's usually my portable actor database, didn't know who the guy is, but I could have sworn that was him. I didn't want to bug him during his dinner, so I didn't, but I thought it might be him anyway.

The Onion may help my V.O. career

Last night at Kafein I was reading this article to Heidi in a breathless announcer voice with a hint of an English accent, because that's how I thought it was written. It sounded really good. She thought I should use that for my Voice Over demo tape, and it was just one of those things that make you go hmm. It'll take a bit of editing, but that could be a great prepared monologue for comedy auditions in general. This was a good shot in the arm. Forget the Cisco classes, I need to get the voice coaching up and running. I need to get a voice-over demo going, so I can get some work that does more for me than pay a decent wage and get moving on with my life.

So thanks again, Heidi, and thanks for the first time, Onion. You are inspirations.

The strange and wonderful things you find on the net

In need of a laugh? Put on some headphones if you're at work, because you'll want to hear this (or just wait till you're at home).

Click here

Special thanks go to this guy, to whom I may have to start linking.

Near-theft Experience

So I just went to Best Buy to pick up Civilization IV. They had a really cool set up of a PS2 and an Xbox side by side, and the picture was so good, I was thinking it might be an advance XBox360, so I checked it out. It was cool, and I left, with a warm fuzzy feeling. Then I started thinking about playing the game I had in my hand... wait, shouldn't there be a bag there? Yep, I was halfway to my car before I realized I had walked out of Best Buy without paying for my game. The "security" guy didn't notice, the alarm didn't sound, I effectively could have kept walking and had myself a free game. Now, I'm all for free software, but I feel like someone needs to pay for it, and no, I don't mean Best Buy. Having integrity means something, and I know I wouldn't have enjoyed the game if I knew it was stolen, and besides, it's just the right thing to do. What I thought was odd, though, was that the store staff didn't really care. They were surprised that I had come back in, and didn't particularly care that I had walked out with it. Maybe it was free Civ 4 day. Anyway, I went and paid, and I feel better about myself, and the game has finished installing, so I must finish my post.

Bye

Why I dig other people's blogs

I regularly read a select few blogs of people that I don't know personally. Some are celebrities, some are incredibly educational, all are well written (well, all of them that I read without knowing who they are). Wil Wheaton's blog is almost a forum, a centralized meeting place, for those of skewed minds. The Four Ninja Food Groups is just weird. But then there's people like the writer of The All-Grain Evangelist who are just SO damn knowledgeable and SO damn passionate about what they do, it's downright amazing. This is the post that inspired my post. The more I look at my current space, the more I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to get into homebrewing in this apartment (that's kind of a maybe), but damn, I need to have this guy's blog up for reference.

"Peter Pan is dead!"

So I was hanging with the theatre-geek crowd this Sunday, and I heard a horrible/hilarious story. Supposedly, during this performance of Peter Pan, the understudy for Peter was doing the show. The wings of this particular theatre were really narrow, so when she (Peter Pan is traditionally played by a young woman) flies, she was hoisted around the stage and had to flit into these really narrow wings. Well, she didn't make it once, and took a header into a brick wall. So Peter Pan comes swinging back out on stage, unconscious and bleeding from the head. Somebody in the audience shouts out "Peter Pan is dead!" and all the kids in the audience started clapping, thinking it would bring Peter back to life.

I was turning different colors, I was laughing so hard at that one.

As a postscript, the actor is just fine.

Too much blog spam

I hate to do it, but because blogspot does not allow for blocking IP addresses that post, I am limiting comments to those who are registered with blogspot. I wish I could do anonymous ones, but I seem to have been pegged for mass comment spam. Yay.