And So I Hmmm.....

I just got an email noting open auditions for Lifeline Theatre in a few weeks. Part of me perked up a bit, but I had so much hesitation that I had to stop and think... was it the finances? The fact that my headshots have me with a beard still? Then I figured it out: I'm not an actor right now. I'm a fiancee, I'm a computer geek, and I want to be an actor, but I'm not one right now. I'm not in a position to be able to really do anything with my abilities, due to finances and future commitments, and also, my soon-to-be home will be too damn far away to come into the city for rehearsals all the time. I think working in voiceover will make things easier, but frankly, I don't know when that's going to be happening, and the last thing I want is for my marriage to start out with me being stressed about how I'm going to accomplish X, Y, and Z.

This is an odd time for me right now, I guess. Finances are extremely tight, not because they're actually tight, but because of planned expenses. In fact things are so tight that, without some miracle, I won't be able to afford duplication of my voiceover demo until October or so. Yet I'm doing just fine right now. Last week, my home computer crashed on me in a massive way (this post, and my work, is being done currently on Heidi's laptop, and work is shipping me another system), so my hobbies have changed drastically almost overnight; I still have the Xbox, but I'm not really a "gamer" all that much anymore (a label by which I've identified myself for the bulk of my life). Since finances are as tight as they are, we have to be very careful about the movies we see, right during the summer blockbuster season, and me with a film degree. I'm excited to be marrying Heidi, but we're three months away. To top it off, I'm very pleased with the place I'm moving into, but it's way the heck out in the burbs, and I've really considered myself a city person for the bulk of my life.

So effectively what it boils down to is that I'm in a holding pattern for the next few months, and I'm having to redefine myself. I guess this is a good thing for someone who is on the verge of stepping into the shoes of a married man, especially after being effectively perpetually single. But I'd prefer to learn my lessons quickly, and move forward in a significant way, y'know?