Panic and Release

So I have recently realized that there are a lot of things sucking me financially dry as of late, and not as many options as I once thought for extra work, and frankly, I haven't been handling it all that well. No, let me rephrase that. Last night I was freakin' paralyzed with fear. I was staring down the oncoming semi truck. I have options, but nothing like I had hoped. But here's the thing. I woke up this morning, and I wasn't worried. Then I started thinking about things and I got worried again, but as I was lying in bed I decided to trace the root of some of those worries and fears. I ended up getting over not only the worst of that fear, but some sense of betrayal that I had felt back in my early 20's, some lingering feelings of self-hatred, and got on to forgiving my father and brother for some crap that went on when I was a wee lad. It's really interesting how our emotions layer, one on top of another, protecting yourself from the agony of the protective layer below it.

Am I still concerned about the next few months? Yep. It's gonna be tight, and I want go on our honeymoon without worrying about how much it's all costing us, but y'know, right now, I'm doing OK. Heidi and I both have pretty good jobs, we just got a freakin' stunningly beautiful place, and we have each other. Besides, uncertainty is all part of the adventure of life, is it not?